Following the success of our first Family Constellations and Mindfulness workshop back in March, I’m pleased to invite you to another day of personal growth, soul searching, mindfulness, and reflection.

Have you ever tried to make changes in your life and realise that however hard you try, change doesn’t stick? Or maybe you don’t know where to start? Or that after a while you fall back in old habits? Or that the step you took didn’t lead to the happiness you searched.

We can find ourselves very much held back by the trauma in our family of origin and our wider system. Through suffering, we remain connected to those who didn’t have a voice. Family Constellations provide an opportunity to get clearer about the ways in which we are still entangled, and they can help to reveal some clues about the steps we need to take, to begin the process of release. The day will include ‘Mindfulness of breathing’ exercises (including some simple movement and walking meditations) as wonderful support.

There is just one rate for this day whether you come as a participant or issue holder so it’s a chance to experience a Family Constellation. ** Invite a friend or book for two workshops to save £10! **
I have some flyers for Stephan Hausner’s June 2012 Workshop and for Franz Ruppert’s June 2013 workshop. Just drop me an email if you would like to receive some to distribute around you.

Experiences of trauma can be so overwhelming that they cause a split in the personality and soul. The painful feelings become hidden and survival strategies take up most of the space in our lives. What is then transmitted between generations is distorted, like interference on a radio. The clarity about who is responsible for which feelings and experiences becomes lost.

It is impossible for a parent to avoid passing something of their own traumatic experiences on to their children – through the process of attachment. We are relational beings and our brains and bodies develop in resonance with other brains and bodies.

Deep feelings, perceptions, thoughts and embodied ways of being, which form the residue of the trauma, are experienced in the intimacy of the family – but there may be no words to explain what is being felt. Coherent explanations, which would help to make sense of these experiences, are often missing. So each of us develops ways of surviving and enduring, and then later in life we find our survival strategies holding us back from being the person we know we could be.

Franz Ruppert has developed a unique way of working sensitively with Constellations to reveal and resolve the hidden dynamics of past trauma. He emphasizes the need for the client to identify their intention for each piece of work, each step. The constellation then shows a way to see the splits, which may have always eluded our consciousness. If we can look and accept what is, there can be a sense of liberation as we start to come into a better relationship with reality and our potential for life and joy.

The worshop is taking place on June 8th and 9th, 2013 (9.30-6pm) at the Gillis Centre (100 Strathearn Rd, Edinburgh, EH9 1BB). You can choose to attend as an issue holder or a participant. Franz will also give a lecture on Saturday evening entitled ‘Trauma Constellations  - Psychotherapy from the point of view of Attachment (Bonding) and Traumatheory’ It is open to all and free for workshop participants.

Three months ago, a baby died.

Since then, I have been watching grief threaten to overwhelm our family. Its long fingers reach deeper and deeper into who we are, who we were, who we thought we were.

It’s hard to let go, we are clinging on to time. As weeks go by, we are acutely aware that we are moving further and further away from the moments when he was there. Anything that comes between his passing and today is unwelcome and resented.

Grief is leading us. During the initial shock, there seemed to be an energy to lead the way, deciding how we wanted to grieve, how we wanted to remember this little one and how we wanted to remember the moments that surrounded his passing. Now, grief seems to reach a momentum of its own. It seems to be dragging us, not in any specific direction, it’s a downward spiral and a roller coaster at the same time. Perhaps our physical and mental resources are running too low to know which way to go.

Nothing is left untouched, nothing is safe. Events and occasions that used to be simple are now charged with meaning, grief, sadness and the agony of the absence. And events that were tricky before are now downright daunting. You never know when you’ll be caught off guard by an advert on the radio, a lyric, a smile, a comment.

We live in a time warp, we are stretched between the past – how we used to behave before, the present – the sadness, the longing – and the might-have-been or should-have-been, the present not as it is but as we had dreamt it, what we had hoped to do with this baby, what we would be doing if he were here.

It changes the nature of everything. It’s like having a pair of deforming glasses. Everything is seen through the glass of grief, interpreted in the light of grief. Things are no longer seen for what they actually are but for what they remind us of. A gesture of love is avoided because it is a painful reminder of the loss.

We walk on eggshells. We are tense – on the look out for any reminder of our pain that might come up in a conversation or in our lives in general, so that we can move away before it gets too close. In that sense, we’re no longer fully in the present.

The shadow of anger is flying around, it reminds me of the TV programmes where you see some kind of energy shape fly around and suddenly stick to something. Who knows where the anger will land next, it’s never far away!

As we try to avoid suffering, we run the risk of compounding the injury. As we try to avoid the pain, we withdraw, tighten, move away from each other, possibly hurting each other even more. A movement to withdraw from the suffering is so easy to misunderstand and regret.

Despite our willingness to talk to each other, it is so big that it’s difficult to express what we feel. We are caught between our own grief and others’ grief. How do you express what you need while respecting the other person’s grief? How do respect another person’s grief without causing injury to the living? Then there is unspeakable, whose needs must prevail above the others?

I want to grieve as a child. They seem to have a way to take it in their stride, they have a matter of fact way of talking about life and death. So far, they don’t seem to be scared. The circumstances have sheltered them from the entirety of reality and from seeing the grief of all the adults. They also don’t seem take it all in at once, one by one the aspects of death and grief dawn on them and then they process it, then move on. Until the next time.

I want to work on trust, trust in life, in God, in love. Things will work out, there is light, there is hope, and there is a family. This is simply our path and there is a lot to learn on the way.

Working with family constellations, we see that where there is suffering there is also a way to release the tight grip that suffering has on us.

There are two main dynamics of this movement out of suffering:

1) A family constellation opens up our minds to a bigger picture. It places the person in the context of their family – including past generations and their community. These sets of relationships are often referred to as a ‘system’. From this new, systemic, point of view, we can get a glimpse of where the pain or symptoms might have originated.
It is called ‘disentangling’: realising that our suffering today might have a link with our wider family system – perhaps with a family member who was excluded, or some very difficult and traumatic events in our own lifetime or in the history of the family, events which have never been fully integrated.

This is one of the functions of a constellation: it reveals the hidden dynamics of the wider family system. Bringing these to light helps release the tension and lessen the grip suffering may have on us. There is a healing power to truth, there is relief when things are where they belong, and when we can hear the voice of the suffering that has been silent till now.

2) Sometimes when we work on an issue in a Family Constellations, we see that nothing can really change – perhaps because the events are in the past, perhaps because they involve others who may be resistant to change. We can come to understand that part of our suffering may be caused by holding onto ideas about ourselves and by our refusal to accept reality.

Furthermore, if we keep pushing for resolution, or on the contrary, do everything we can to avoid the pain, we may be causing even greater suffering to ourselves, to others and to our wider family system. The reaction is similar to the body’s instinct to avoid physical pain. When you hurt your knee, you avoid putting weight on that side, causing imbalance in your spine and back pain possibly even greater than the original knee pain. It’s often like this in families: when something difficult happens, we pull away from it; we avoid talking about it, causing more tension and suffering.

What we can change about the unchangeable is our acceptance of things being as they are and we can come to terms with the fact that some things are beyond our control.
In other words the constellation and the healing movements help us to relax our grip, so that the pain feels less painful, even when the outer circumstances don’t change. In the same way tightening up during labour increases the pain, relaxing and breathing deeply lessens it.

True change rarely comes about by pushing and trying, we change when we become reconciled with who we are, when we become willing to be present with ourselves in our worst moments – ‘the paradoxical theory of change’. This seems -strangely enough- to happen more easily and effortlessly in constellations, which is why they are such a wonderful tool to use on the healing journey.

This new picture, this ability to stop fighting and accept things as they are, isn’t completely ‘new’, it is already within us but hidden from view by the suffering. The family constellation acts like the photographer’s tray in which the negative used to be immersed to reveal the colours and shapes of the true picture, bringing to the surface the reality that was there all along.
‘We cannot attain an understanding by grasping for it for ourselves. It has already to be in us, and the task is to awaken it, or perhaps to unfold it – to bring it into being within us’. (Iain McGilchrist – The Master and His Emissary)

This change, ‘awakening’ and ‘bringing it into being within us’ is the beginning of healing.

Healing
by D H Lawrence

I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self
And the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help
And patience….

Sheila and I have been working in the Family Constellations field for nearly 20 years, and along the way we have gathered together a basket of tools, skills and knowledge about various approaches to change and personal growth.

The combination we want to offer to you, centres around the systemic approach – using constellations as a tool for healing. However hard we work on our own habits and behaviour, our patterns of thinking and emotional trauma, we can still be very held back in our lives due to the energy field of our family of origin, and our connection -through love and loyalty – to the suffering in our family.
Constellations provide an opportunity to get clearer about the ways in which we are still entangled, and they can help to reveal some clues about the steps we need to take, to begin the process of release. The day will include ‘Mindfulness of breathing’ exercises (including some simple movement and walking meditations) as wonderful support.

Core Constellations Theory & Practice organises courses and workshops in Systemic Constellations Work. You can now apply for the upcoming Training in Systemic Constellations Work 2012-2013.

• Module 1: 11-13 May 2012 Albrecht Mahr
• Module 2: 31 Aug-2 Sept 2012 Albrecht Mahr
• Module 3: 2-3 November 2012 Clare Crombie and Sheila McCarthy-Dodd
• Module 4: 11-13 January 2013 Vivian Broughton
• Module 5: 22-24 March 2013 Vivian Broughton
• Module 6: 23-26 May 2013 Albrecht Mahr

Click here to download the flyer.

Contact details:
www.coreconstellations.co.uk
coreconstellations2011@gmail.com
tel. 00 44 759 0613 752 (Didi Spencer)
tel. 00 44 779 489 046 (Denise Joseph)

Of course the question itself raises many more questions. If I achieved this aim, who would I be? Is it really what I want? Or am I aiming for what I think I want, what others want of me? Who do I want to be? What do I want to learn? What issues would I like to shed light on?

I invite you to a half-day workshop on Saturday, January 14th, in Glasgow (1.30-5.30pm) and an evening workshop in Edinburgh on January 18th.

The next day workshop is on February 5th in Edinburgh.

Looking ahead, we are preparing for Stephan Hausner’s Special Family Constellation workshop on June 1-3, 2012. We’ve extended the Early Bird booking until the end of January and introduced a 50% deposit.

Stephan is one of Europe’s foremost constellation facilitators. A naturopathic practioner and homeopath for 20 years, he has faciliatated hundreds of workshops in this innovative phenomenological approach around the world. Stephan relies on the principle that all healing is self- healing, and works towards creating the environment for self-healing to happen. His workshops are of interest to all and his focus on healing is particularly enlighting to people dealing with illness and health issues. You can read more about how he works by having a look at his new book.

It describes what we might call ‘classic’ constellations, outlining the process step by step. And then it has the extra quality that comes from Stephan’s work as a homoeopath and cranio-sacral therapist. He shares valuable insights into the clients, he brings a wealth of experience and his particular knowledge about illness, health, attachment and bonding, respect for life and death and the repeating dynamics he has observed throughout his work with constellations.

Although the subtitle of the book is ‘Systemic constellations and serious illness‘ in my opinion it is definitely of more general interest and relevance. The dynamics and ‘orders’ of love, as described initially by Bert Hellinger are all there in the constellations that Stephan describes. Its a great way to learn about them by witnessing how they occur naturally, and with less of the feel of ‘here are the rules, this is how it works’. There’s always a danger with books and written material on constellation work, that those who are eager to learn take on what is written as if it were the truth, or another and better moral code. When we work phenomenologically and mindfully, we do our best to avoid this, and books like this one help to demonstrate that way of working, with precise detail and careful and compassionate attention to the body.

As my colleague Sheila said “ It is doesn’t shame us when we lend it to people, it does us proud!”

Stephan Hausner will be in Edinburgh in June 2012. If you would like to attend this unique workshop, please book here or contact me.

]]> http://www.carinascotland.com/blog/2011/10/even-it-costs-me-my-life-stephan-hausner/feed/ 0 http://www.carinascotland.com/blog/2011/10/family-constellations-in-belgium/ http://www.carinascotland.com/blog/2011/10/family-constellations-in-belgium/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 10:30:35 +0000 constellations http://www.carinascotland.com/?p=831 Continue reading →]]> You are invited to two special Family Constellations workshops in Belgium.

The workshops are led by Clare Crombie. Clare is an experienced psychotherapist, supervisor , and teacher. She is the President of ISCA, the International Systemic Constellations Assocation.

The workshops are a unique opportunity to experience Clare’s generous way of working with Family Constellations.

Dates and venues :

26th Nov 2011 at Youth Hostel “Jeugdherberg De Blauwput”,Martelarenlaan 11A-B- 3010 Leuven

27th Nov 2011 at Kasteel Walburg, Stadspark, Walburgstraat 35, 9100 Sint-Niklaas

The workshops take place in English, scheduled from 10 am until 4.30 pm. Cost 80€ for each workshop.

For information or to book your workshop, contact Stephanie Boh-Buyle:
Mob. (32) 473197888
Email: steph@thewateredbamboo.com

The September study group will explore three fundamental questions:

• Why is integration important to our well-being?

• How can we better integrate these parts of ourselves?

• How do we make room for integrity in all parts of our lives?

Why is ‘integration’ key to our well-being?

In previous weekends, we have learnt about Dan Siegel’s work with mindfulness practice and the development of the brain. We will continue this by learning about his understanding of what integration means.

‘Mental health emerges from integration, the linkage of differentiated elements of a system. When integration is present, the system moves in the FACES flow of bring flexible, adaptive, coherent, energised and stable’ (Siegel 2010 The Mindful Therapist’)

We will explore, inquire into, and play with these words:

Flexible – looking at how unresolved trauma and shock makes us rigid, what needs to happen so that flexibility becomes an option?

Adaptive –How can we find out what can be changed and what cannot? And when something cannot be changed how do we adapt to it in the most creative way possible?

Coherent – looking at the stories or narrative of our life and putting the pieces together in a way that gives us space to breathe and space for the heart to heal. Seeking for our blind spots and daring to look into them –with compassion – will bring us into contact with a greater sense of coherence

Energised – where does the energy flow and where is it stuck? What kinds of movements enable flow?

Stable – how do we support ourselves and what sorts of actions create more stability within our bodies and within our systems (family, work etc)?

When we explore an issue from a systemic stance, we are aware of letting go of our usual way of thinking and intellectualising and seeking to ground ourselves in a different aspect of our being. Recent research suggests that this capacity is more located in the right side of the brain. What supports us to integrate the different functions of our brain in order to engage in this work?

Obviously this is far too much for one weekend, so we are going to take Integration as an overall theme, and within that play with and explore the concepts ideas that are coming up in the group.

How can we better integrate the fragments of ourselves?

Using exercises in small groups, some direct teaching, plenty of mindfulness practice, and of course using the constellations throughout.

Making room for integrity in other parts of our lives.

• Integrity is central to the constellation work as we work with issues which have such an enormous impact on well-being and ill-being

• Integrating our larger family systems and history: In family constellations, we recognise where our family system has been wounded and fragmented, and seek to integrate with awareness what and who is excluded or denied. This integration supports us in finding a place within our system that has more peace, stability and potential.

• Integrating other trainings & practices: How do we integrate knowledge and awareness from other trainings and practices? We all have very different backgrounds as practitioners and individuals. Constellation work is still developing and practitioners integrate this work according to their individual background and style. We will take space this weekend to attend to our sense of what we each want and need to integrate into this work.

Further Reading

Ian McGilchrist: The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World

Dan Siegel: The Neurobiology Of We