What would ‘better’ feel like?


family constellationWhether you are working on yourself or with a client, it can be really fruitful to take time finding out what you want – or what your client wants. Some people call this our ‘intention’ or our ‘heart’s desire’, our ‘burning question’, our ‘goal’. Even the words we use can make a difference, they can help us to feel more open, able to support not- knowing, while opening with curiosity to the exploration,

Some people use the idea of the ‘miracle question’ to get a flavour of how would our lives be if this problem or this issue had resolved. We usually have a ‘felt sense’ when we think of this question. If a miracle worker had come while you were asleep and taken away the issue, and you woke in the morning unaware of their visit, and started going about your day; how would you know that the problem had vanished? How would you notice? How would someone else notice? Would it be your body that would let you know or something else? Your thoughts? Your perceptions? Your actions?

Sometimes what happens next as we stay with this question is that we get a sense of the different aspects of our identity: If I weren’t this person with this issue, who would I be? How would my life be? The issue may have had the function of keeping me connected to my identity in a way that is safe, even though uncomfortable. The issue might also be intricately involved in a relationship as well, keeping a sort of comfortably uncomfortable balance.